I Don’t Want To See Your Light

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Prologue – Two people torn between their hearts and minds. Hanging on forever in the in-between. Having one another in their lives feels like a blessing and a curse. Reasons a plenty they’re ready with to tell the other. They say that no love comes without sacrifice. But it all comes down to a simple choice.

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I don’t want to,
See you smile,
Watch you cry,
Feel your laughter,
Share your joy,
Hear you sing,
Read your words,
Watch you play,
Listen to your talk,
About your happiness or pain.

I don’t want to love you,
It hurts too much,
To have you in my life,
When I cannot be with you,
It’s all consuming,
I could give you everything,
But it’s me who is all spent,
I don’t want to see your blinding light.

I feel finished,
After each time we start,
What I love about you,
Are also things about you I hate,
That’s why we must stay apart,
Even though for you I have craved.

I will not miss this kind of love,
One which, when it’s there,
It is all that I can see,
Nothing feels good enough,
Or matches up to you and me,
But the reason it’s not worth it,
Is that when I look at you,
I don’t see anyone else,
Not even me.

Even so,
When I think about you,
Or of a remote possibility of an us,
I try to push this thought aside,
That after what I’ve put you through,
There could be remnants of love,
But am I a person that you will still like?

I don’t want to,
And I’m fighting against myself when I say,
I like myself more because of how you see me,
And it scares me,
Because I’ve never felt this way,
To feel so one with another in the now,
That leaving it to fate is a huge price to pay,
I love you so much,
That I don’t want to know you ever existed,
So just, please, stay away.